My 73 year old fragile looking uncle was shot dead on the head on the 25th of July, 2011. It was my sister who told me about the heartbreaking news. It was not a natural death, but his life was taken in such a cruel way. I felt so much pain and I cried my heart out.
Each day after his killing, I still cry as I recall what a generous man he was for me, my siblings and my cousins. He lived with a kind and big heart for everyone, he was someone who would give, and not just give but gives so much. I am aware that my baby pictures were taken by him and that we would ride a tricycle in order for him to put me to sleep . I remember every summer vacation, he would take me and my cousins to the movies and to parks. He would always organize swimming parties for his beloved daughter for us to enjoy as well. Our joy was his heart’s delight.
I regret for not giving him so much in return although in my heart he was so close to me. Now that he is gone, I felt like turning back the hands of time. So I can chat with him endlessly and tell him how grateful I was for his generosity and kindness. If I can only go back in time, even just 3 weeks back. When I last saw him during our holidays and should have I known that was our last meeting I could have hold his hand longer and hugged him tighter. But I can’t do this anymore, he’s gone. Many people say he’s in a better place now and that we have to move on and not be sad anymore. But when you love someone so deeply, the pain is so great as well when they leave. Can I let go of the pain quickly and smile again? Can I recall those good memories in the past and not cry that I can’t do more memories with him in the future? The answer is NO. I can’t let go of the pain and it may even remain because I am not letting go of my love for him inspite of the hurt I feel inside. I will still cry because I can’t create anymore meaningful memories with him. For me letting go is to let go of your emotions. not to deny your sadness and your grief. To my uncle, I would always remember you and I would not mind to cry and be sad because you have made me happy, smile and laugh when you were here. Until I meet you again.